failure

These days between dreaming about ordering fruits and vegetables in Arabic and keeping 20 little ones occupied and out of trouble It’s been hard to write but I couldn't sleep tonight without getting this post finished.

So here it is, the super encouraging post that you are waiting for: I am a failure.

I have failed to learn this foreign language that surrounds me.

I have failed to give each student the attention they deserve.

I have been impatient.

I  have neglected friends in need.

I have let weariness get the best of me.

I am in no way capable of completing all the tasks on my to-do list this year.

But he hasn't failed me yet.

 And he looks at me on my knees tonight and says that he won’t. He holds me and says he’s in control of the situations that break my heart and that he wants to work through me. I ask him why and he says that he is making me perfect and complete. And he gives me joy even when I can feel the tears.

I can’t make sense of how he could love me but I’m glad he does. I listened to a song last night that said "I will not despise the pain and the trials that you've ordained for me to work out my salvation." And so I must thank him for the trials that he has ordained. The patches I wish I could skip over in life or sweep under the rug. He has ordained these days and we are his. Lord, let me press in to your will and your heart so that you can turn my failures into masterpieces that display your glory. Change me into a vessel fit for your spirit.